Hello chickpeas.

Sorry I haven’t posted for a while… I’ve had a really rough past few days. I feel kinda awkward sharing this with you all, but I decided my wonderful bloggies would a good bet for support and kindness while I’m feeling like this.

Every time my body gets to a bmi of 15, I start to menstruate again. Which my family and doctors think is wonderful, particularly for bone desnity and that kind of thing. Now that I’ve gained 2 lbs since my relapse over the summer, my cycle has kicked in again, but this time round something seems wrong. For the past 3 days I have literally been unable to stand up for more than a few minutes at a time without feeling exhausted and dizzy so have spent almost all my days in bed or on the sofa. On friday I blacked out for half an hour and had to go to casualty because I hit my head so bad when I fell. But the doctors just told me it was low blood pressure as always and that I needed to rest for a while. They also weighed me and it turns out those 2 lbs I had “gained” last week have disappeared so must have been water weight/hormones before my period or something.

But then if I haven’t even gained any weight yet, why has my period started again? Is it because my calories are back up again? Ughh this is so confusing and frustrating. What is going on with my body? Why is it working so hard to do something that I’m obviously not physically strong enough to cope with? I try so hard each day to honour my body and listen to it, respect it, learn to trust it… and now I feel like its letting me down. Its been triggering loads of ED thoughts, and when I feel physically weak like I do now, I find it even harder to block those thoughts out.

Its been so difficult to justify myself to eat a decent amount, having been sat or lying down all day. I just want to curl myself up in a ball and block the world out. Fall asleep and wake up a week later feeling all better.

***

I’m sorry this post has been so completely miserable. I’m finding it hard to come up with any kind of positive spin to put on this. I’ll leave you with some precious illustrations…

Fun fact: The boy Christopher Robin in the Winnie the Pooh stories was based on A A Milne’s, Christopher Robin Milne, and used to live next door to my doctor

***

Love you all xo.

I gotta feeling, that tonights gunna be a good night…

… or rather last night was a good night

Good Evening my lovebugs! Hows it hanging?

Thanks for all your input on the fast food issue. Another speech well written I’m proud to say. My exam is on Tuesday and I’m feeling strangley confident about it. Not quite sure what I’m going to do with myself when its over though – I’ll have to find a new project to keep me out of mischief I feel lost when I don’t have something to work towards. Are any of you guys like this? I think thats always been part of the appeal of losing weight; it gives me something to focus my energy on, and then get that sense of “achievment” (which of course lasts about 2 minutes!)

Well, I’ve been exhaustedd today because I went out last night with my friend Fran. Oh my gosh I had so much fun! I haven’t enjoyed myself that much for weeks. We did predrinks at my house, ventured on to a few bars then hit up our favourite club to dance the night awayyy and finally collapsed into my bed at about 3.30am! I didn’t count a single calorie all night and felt so free! I seriously must have drunk my body weight in alcohol haha! But you know what? I honestly don’t care… No matter how many calories I drank my way through last night, I don’t weigh any more today, or I haven’t ballooned up overnight or whatever other crap ED tries to tell us will happen if we break out of our routine and rules. The night would have been so boring if I’d been listening to ED and worrying about numbers. But instead I had the best time! Whenever I have times like theis its like someone is saying to me THIS is what life should be all about, and this is the life thats out there waiting for you! 

Excuse my drunk face Oh and don’t ask where the ears came from – there were a group of boys in the club that were dressed as foxes/dogs/cats? lol couldn’t quite work out what they were meant to be, but anyway one of the boys plonked his ears on my head when we were dancing… standard!

Well dolls, I’m going to go and catch up on some much needed rest. Oodles of love!

xo

ps, the answer to the riddle in my last post “What can go up a chimney down, but not down a chimney up?”… an umbrella! But shout out to my cutie Clay for his solution “Santa Claus” haha, loved it

I can’t think of a title for this post…

G’day chickaboos!

How are you all on this *pleasant* day? Its well and truly chucking it down over here in the charming Cotswolds, and I’m coming down with a bitch of a cold… but all is good and I’m still smiling Can’t let a bit of rain and a pounding headache/sore throat combo ruin our day, can we now?

I loved hearing your three things you’d get rid of! I found it quite interesting to see how some of you would straight out erase eating disorders, while others thought they should remain in our world. I’m pleased to say that my tutor was delighted with my speech, so I felt rather satisfied with myself yesterday. I have a tendency to beat myself up about any work that I produce and convince myself it’s not good enough or that people will just laugh at it; so even though I’m not the best at taking complements, it was reassuring to get such positive feedback from my tutor.

 

Well, as I said, this mornings weather was not what you would call the most inspiring start to the day. So I thought to myself while staring forlornly out of the window, there’s only one way to rectify that…

Carrot cake oats of course! Oats cooked in chai tea, cinamon, nutmeg & ginger, grated carrot, topped with jumbo raisins and a medley (love that word!) of almonds, peanuts and cashews. Alongside a postcard of the Cape Winelands that the postie delivered this morning… its the one I sent to my parents while I was in SA lol! So only, you know, 2 months late! Though to be fair, with my esperience of the SA postal service I’m pretty impressed that it arrived at all.

Oh and, you remember in this post I was boasting about our amazing home grown pears? Well they’re ripe for picking now and um, check out this badboy….

1lb 8oz… no biggie.

 

So today I’m meant to be booking doctors appointments for medical exams so I can get the study permit I need to go to uni in South Africa. Yeah, I was meant to do it last week but have been putting it off (procrastination is an artform in which I am talented ) But I’m just so nervous about it. I don’t think I’m going to be able to get an appointment with my usual doctor as he’s going on holiday for a few weeks, so it’ll be with someone I don’t know. I have no idea what the examination is going to involve or what details the medical report has to include – has anyone had to do one of these before for permits/visas/jobs etc? I’m just so worried that they’re going to turn around and tell me I’m not fit enough to go. Can they even do that? I don’t know. I feel so ashamed to admit it, but I’m tempted to kind of cheat a bit; well at the thing I can cheat on, ie the weigh in. But then would that be a massive step backwards in terms of my recovery if I start fooling the scales again? Well anyway, if I don’t get it done in the next week or so then the permit won’t come through in time. So I’ll just have to grit my teeth and bare it. Ha.

In other news, there is currently a man marching up and down the field surrounding my garden with a metal detector and a funny headpiece on. He’s getting very wet. Tres amusant… for me, not him. Oh the joys of country life and the funny folk you come across! I don’t think he’s found anything yet, but will keep you all updated (I can hear your sighs of relief from here)… you never know, he might discover some long lost Roman settlement full of treasure or something

Now I need to go write my next speech for my tutor… can you tell how excited I am?? lol. This one is on the past exam question “Fast food is bad for you and bad for the world” Do you agree? Any thoughts on this? I think its quite interesting how they added “and bad for the world”, because its pretty easy to forget about looking at the bigger picture sometimes.

Oh and before I go, I’m going to leave you with a riddle… just cus.

What can go up a chimney down but not down a chimney up?

Tune in next time for the answer

**LOVE YOU**

xo

Weekend Recap

Hello Lovepies!

Hope you all enjoyed Halloween. Its not really as big a deal in England as it is in other parts of the world, so we never really do anything. We did start to watch a scary movie at about 11.30 last night, but we were all so tired we fell asleep after about half an hour! I don’t even remember what it was called lol.

***

But rewind to the doctor & therapist appointments on Friday. *May be triggering*

Ok, so the therapist appointment was actually alright. My therapist and I have a strange relationship where one session I completely freeze up and can’t even make eye contact with him, and then the next session we can get on like a house of fire and I pour my heart out. Luckily Friday was more like the latter and we talked through a lot of things that have been plaguing my mind recently. He agreed that seeing them once a month wasn’t often enough at all and so I’m going back to seeing him every week… which I’m anxious about but I guess is a relief.

The doctors appointment… not so nice. It was the first time I’d seen my weight since I came back from South Africa 6 weeks ago and started upping my calories again, so stepping on the scales I felt sick with anxiety. I’d gained two pounds. Two pounds in 6 weeks. Needless to say my blood pressure, pulse, blood sugar etc were all crappy too, which didn’t really come as a surprise to be honest, but my doctor wasn’t happy at all. He’s one of those people who sees everything as either black or white, and immediately started on his “you need to be in IP” rant. I know he only wants what’s best for me but telling me that I’m incapable of doing something just made me feel even worse than I already was. I managed to escape his threat by the skin of my teeth because he called my therapist who, after our sucessful session that morning, convinced my doc that I was on the right path and would be ok. So thank you Sam

But it made me realise how much ED lies. I’d convinced myself that since SA I’d gained about 10lbs, that my friends and family were staring at me because I looked so much bigger now than 6 weeks ago. But it was all bullsh*t. ED was lying. The mirror was lying. My eyes were lying. I need to learn not to trust them and put my faith in the people that are there to look after me – my mum, my therapist, my doctor, my friends, YOU BLOGGIES. They aren’t going to lie to me like ED does.

Lesson learned.

***

I’ve finally got myself round to painting again! I usually just draw because I’ve convinced myself I’m crap at painting and also because its so much less effort haha. But yesterday I got my paints out and much to my surprise, I actually enjoyed myself.The photos not that great, but you get the idea.

Oh and I got a new shirt

Excuse the serious face – I was onviously concentrating hard I have a slight obsession with checked shirts… I now have 4? 5? But shhhhh!

***

Well today the weather is horrendous! Some serious gail force winds going on… my mum was running a race today and I was all ready to go down to the finish line to support her, but I stepped outside the door and almost got blown over! So instead I warmed her a seat in a nearby Italian coffee shop which she definitely appreciated when she had finished

But I think the rest of the day will be spent safely tucked up indoors. My tutor has set me some speeches to write so I think I’ll get on with them. One of them is “Write a political speech naming three things you would rid the world of and why.” I asked my sister what three things in the world she’d get rid of if she could, and after a few moments of deep thought she replied “Periods, Lindsay Lohan, and spinach”… insightful stuff! haha. So thats my question for you lovies today…

If you could rid the world of three things, what would they be and why?

Because its a political speech I’ve chosen discrimination, recreational drugs and environmental damage; but on a more everyday level I think my three things would be bad hair days, bitchy/judgemental people and spiders.

Gunna love ya and leave ya my dears!

xo

happy hump day :)

Awww you guys are the best, all your sweet comments on my last post really made my day! What did I do to deserve you all?!

Welp, I did my first exam on Tuesday and all in all I think it went ok. Unfortunately ED made an appearance (but then, when does he not?) and as soon as I finished reading through the questions chimed in with “what the hell are you thinking?? you cant do this! why are you even trying?” yada yada yada.  The last time I wrote an exam was back in January the day before my parents pulled me out of school for recovery, and I was so ill and weak that I only managed to write a few lines and then I fell asleep at the desk…. yeah, not the greatest memory! So ED was trying to convince me that I’m now destined to fail at everything. But I shoved him to the back of my mind and got on with it So one down, one to go! But at least I’ve got another 2 weeks till the next.

***

Anyway, what else has been happening in my little world? Well yesterday I was feeling particuarly adventurous at dinner time and I decided to make something I’d wanted to try making for ages… sushi!

I made 5 rolls with salmon and avo for my mummy, and 5 rolls with cucumber, carrot and ginger for me! I’m not going to lie, it was a long, fiddley task making these, but they tasted all the better for it! I love homemade food so much more than shop bought or restaurant food.

What about you girls? Do you prefer eating out or eating in? Cooking from scratch or prepared goods?

As well as making sushi, I’ve been going to the cinema a lot with one of my friends Fran. So far this month we’ve worked our way through Fame, Fantastic Mr Fox, The Imaginarium of Dr Parnassus and today we saw Cirque de Freak. I loved it! I read all the books when I was younger and got to meet the author at a literature festival. They’re funny little vampire/horror stories that are meant for like 12 year olds lol

Because its half term town and the cinema were packed with young boisterous teenagers… ughhh. At the risk of sounding like an old woman; what is happening with the youth of today?! Seriously these kids are so annoying and so cheeky… I felt like I had a big sign on my head saying “Please feel free to push into me, I don’t really exist”. Ok I think I’ll change the subject before I get up on my soap box lol.

***

Something I’ve been struggling with a lot lately is body image. Although I feel like I’ve made a lot of progress gaining back control from ED over food and eating, I still feel completely dominated by ED thoughts about my weight/size. When I look in the mirror I see a healthy sized girl, sometimes I even see someone who could do with loosing a few pounds, let alone gaining. I feel like the numbers don’t apply to me – that even though my weight/bmi are that of someone who’s severely malnurished and underweight, its different for me because I look ok like this, and would look like a big frump at a higher weight. And these thoughts make it so so difficult to motivate myself to gain or even convince myself that I do in fact need to gain. 

I think its all been made worse by the fact that I haven’t seen my treatment team (therapist and doctor) for a whole month (their choice, not mine). So I haven’t had anyone to talk to about it. I’m seeing them on Friday though and quite frankly I’m dreading it - particularly the weigh in. I haven’t weighed myself since I came back from South Africa and started to increase my calories again, but I feel like I’ve gained about 20lbs in those 6 weeks and I’m getting so anxious about it all. My sleep hasn’t improved, I have dizzy spells at least 3 times a day, and my bones just ache all day long… so I have a feeling my doctors appointment is going to be pretty crappy too.

I’m sorry for ending on such a miserable note I promise to be back to my usual self soon.

Lots of love chickaboos

xo.

Just a quickie ;)

Hey dolls. Hope you all had fabulous weekends and your week has got off to a flying start! I don’t have time to do a proper post because I’m super busy getting ready for my exam tomorrow (someone kill me now… please?). But I just thought I’d share something with you.

Last week these two cuties did some serious ED butt-kicking, and Eliza set us the goal to challenge ourselves to a childhood favourite treat that you hadn’t had since your ED. I decided that my challenge would be a good old fashioned restaurant-style hot chocolate. I used to LOVE drinking these as a kid, but of course since ED empty liquid calories became a complete no-no. So I thought considering the chilly weather we’re currently having, now is the perfect time to treat myself

I made this badboy with real ingredients! Classic Cadbury’s hot chocolate powder and whole milk, with marshmallows and whipped cream on top, and a sprinkle of cocoa. Umm… yum?

I may or may not have got a cream tash…You love it

OH and before I go, I just have to let you know that…

I GOT AN OFFER FROM UCT!!!

Can I get a WOOP WOOP???!

Much love chickaboos <3 I’ll post properly later in the week when the first exam is over.

xo

The Very Hungry Caterpillar

First of all I feel the need to apologise for being such a bad blogger lately! I promise when my first exam is over I’ll be posting more often again, but time is of the essence right now.

And secondly I just want to say thank you for your comments on my last post. I was feeling really down about everything that happened to my friend, and so your kind words were much appreciated. And more importantly, some of the comments were the reality check that I needed. This past week my mum has been talking to me about whether or not I should go into IP for a while, to “get the ball rolling again” as she put. But I know in my heart of hearts that I CAN do this, I just need to get my arse into gear and get on with doing it!

 

On that note, this morning I got a lovely surprise from the postman!

Did any of you ever read this book when you were younger? This was always one of my all time faves in nursery. It was sent to me from a friend of mine, L, that I have known since the day I was born. Our dads were at school and university together, and so our families have been friends for literally about 40 years! But now we live pretty far away from them so don’t get to see eachother much anymore. Anyway, this year she spent 4months in IP for anorexia, and is now at a healthy weight and pretty close to recovered. But she sent me this book because she said she was reading it to her baby cousin one time and funnily enough found that she could really relate to it, and loved the little message that it brings…

Basically its about this caterpillar who got hungry so…

and this is what he gobbled his way through…

After all of this munching he grew into a really BIG caterpillar, and…

turned into a beautiful butterfly!

I love this analogy of the caterpillar turning into a butterfly, and recovery turning us into the beautiful people we are meant to be, by using food as our medicine. Because anorexia deprives us of being our true selves and living to our full potential. And what kind of life is that? Not one for me, thats for sure! I don’t want to be a sad, hungry caterpillar… I want to be the butterfly that anorexia stole away from me! Now I’m saying we have to

I was shopping in H&M yesterday with my sister, and this group of young teenagers walked in and were trying to find a costume for Halloween for one of them, shouting ideas like “You could go as a zombie bride” and “You could be an emo”. They gradually got closer to me and then one of the girls looked me up and down and said to her friend, with a big smirk on her face “You could go as an anorexic!”

I have had comments from strangers like this in the past, and it has left me feeling depressed and weak. But this time was different. Instead of getting upset or angry with the girl, I just walked away. It was another little wake up call that I needed (the universe has definitely been trying to tell me something this week!) and made me realise that I need to beat this. I don’t want people to look at me and see me as some kind of freak to dress up as for Halloween. I don’t want to be defined by anorexia. Thats not who I am. I am Hannah. And the only things that should define me are my qualities and my passions.

Ok I think thats enough of the deep stuff from me this morning! I wish you all a weekend full of joy and positivity

xo Hannah

Confused

Happy Hump day chickaboos!

Thanks for all your tips on getting a good nights sleep. The relaxation ideas are something I’ve been trying to work on for a few weeks now. I’m not allowed to have baths (since I have a history of passing out in them because of my low blood pressure. I do shower though, I promise ) but I’ve been making an effort to chill out to relaxing music or read my book before I hit the sack. I’ve always been pretty rubbish at relaxing – probably an ED thing - but practise makes perfect right?

Anyway on to today. I made those pumpkin muffins I wanted to bake!

Not one to toot my own horn but Oh Em Gee these were amazing. I used this recipe, but I subbed 1/2 the sugar for maple syrup, because pumpkin + maple = LOVE, oh and I topped each muffin off with a pecan nut for fun The recipe called for vegetable oil, which of course is a huge ED no-no and would usually be subbed for something lower-fat/lower-calorie. But I ignored his irritating whining and used the damn oil… and the muffins tasted all the better for it!

I also tried out this badboy…

I’ve never had a burrito before, but I’ve always liked Amy’s food so thought, why not?

Accompanied by some steamed brussel sprouts, broccoli and carrots. (I LOVE brussel sprouts… A seriously misunderstood veggie!) It kind of exploded in the oven, and doesn’t really look too appetising, but tasted goooood. Lots of beans and rice and that kind of stuff.

So this morning I got all my studying out the way, then turned on my laptop to check my emails. I was heartbroken to read in an email from a dear friend of mine that she has just been admitted to the same ED hospital I went to back in March. This girl, E, and I were really good friends at school, and both deteriorated into our EDs at similar times, though of course we were both so secretive that neither new for sure that the other was suffering. She dropped out of school just a few weeks after me, and since then I haven’t seen much of her (partly because its kinda triggering) but have kept in contact via phone/email/facebook etc. She was put under the Maudsley treatment method in our local children’s EDU so has had a completely different experience in recovery to me who got sent straight to the adult EDU, even though I’m only 3 months older than her. Despite this, she always seemed to be the stronger one – the one I’d go to for support, the one that kept reminding me of why recovery would be worth it, the one that was making all the progress. Sure she had slips just as I did, but she always got back on track pronto. She even went back to school this year to redo the year that we both missed. She was strong enough to go back. I wasn’t.

So hearing this news, I’m devastated. Its like everything I pinned my hopes on has fallen to pieces. I guess I kind of put her on a pedestal to an extent. And it makes me sad to think that she didn’t come to me for help while she was slipping. I know its not my fault, but I still feel like there must have been something I could or should have done?

Anyway, I decided to go into town and buy her some little presents to send her – puzzle books, cute stationary, face/hair masks and new slippers  Because really, know DOESN’T love getting parcels?? I just hope that it gets to her this side of the millenium (stupid postage strike!). Hopefully it will bring a smile to her face!

Of course, ED kicked in with the “your such a failure” routine. She’s in IP, therefore shes a better anorexic than I am. I know thats complete bull, but it still hurts to hear it.

The ironic thing is, we’re at the same bmi right now. This confuses the HELL out of me. When I look at her I see a tiny, shadow of a girl, all bones and sharp edges. When I see myself I just see… me. A healthy sized girl. Like any other girl in the street. But now I’m doubting myself and my recovery after this relapse… does this mean I should be in IP right now? If E can’t get better on her own, then what chance do I have?

Ughh, so many thoughts swimming round my head now. Its been an emotionally exhausting day.

Much love xo.

Huggles

Thank you all for your lovely comments on my last post. Reading your words of encouragment was like recieving a warming hug from each one of you! I LOVE hugs. I used to call them Huggles when I was little  Seriously, I can’t function properly in a day if I don’t get enough of them. I know a few people that get a bit put off by how tactile I am, but I guess I’m just one of those touchy-feely type people. And I have no problem hugging people I don’t even know that well… I just like spreading the love!

Ha, I’ve lost my train of thought already. Well in that case, here’s a little look at whats been going in my tum recently…

Pumpkin Oats – jumbo oats, vanilla soy, pumpkin, cranberries, pumpkin seeds, and lots of pumpkin-y spices.

Wholewheat bread, HB egg, spinach, bbq, carrots and cherry tomatos.

Yogurt covered rice cakes

Check out the giant pears that are growing in our garden these guys are bigger than my hand! So far I’ve been eating them in greek yogurt with honey or in my oats… any ideas for pear recipes?

Today I spent the whole day in town shopping (I think I’ve developed a slight spending problem…) and running errands. So I’m pretty exhausted now. It doesn’t help that I’ve been sleeping really badly of late. I get about 4-5 hours a night, but its not even continuous – its on/off all night. I lie there for hours just getting frustrated with myself. Its driving me insaaaane! My mum and therapist keep bugging me to go to my doctor to get some sleeping tablets that I’ve had in the past. But I’m reluctant to go back to relying on medication to get to sleep. That being said, I don’t know how many more weeks of sleep deprivation I can stand!

Do any of you have troubles with sleeping or have any tips that might help? Any ideas why I’m suffering with this again?

About 3 months ago I had got myself into a really good sleep pattern, but that seems all but a distant memory now. I’m not even particularly stressed out or anxious at the moment, which is what often causes insomnia.

Anywho, my brains all over the place at the moment so I’ll cut this short. On my agenda tomorrow is LOTS of studying to make up for today (its now only a week till my first exam!) in between entertaining a crew of builders, plumbers and electricians (oh joy..) and I want to bake some pumpkin muffins too.

Hope you all had a happy Tuesday

Let me tell you a story…

I have always considered myself to be an amazingly lucky girl, in that I could not have wished for a better childhood. After moving from London to the beautiful country house we live in now, my family and I have been blessed with many happy years, full of laughter, love, and health.

Then when I was 13 I suddenly became inexplicable ill with a violent virus (that to this day my doctors have been unable to diagnose) and for about 2 months was bedridden and largely unable to digest most foods. This caused me to lose a great deal of weight in this short space of time, and this is when I believe my eating disorder to have started. When the virus cleared up and I was able to eat again, my parents and doctors encouraged me to gain back the weight that I had lost, as I was now underweight and my health was suffering.

At the same time, I developed ME, or Post Viral Fatigue Syndrome as a consquence of the virus, which lasted for about 2 years, and had a massive affect on my everyday life. I could often only attend school 3 days week, could no longer play any of the sports that I loved, and found it difficult to socialise with my friends as I once had. I felt like my body was letting me down because physically I was so impaired but emotionally I was exactly the same as I had been before I’d got ill. As a coping mechanism I started to retsrict, firstly as a way of making sure I stayed underweight, but then to purposefully lose more weight.

By the time I was 14 I was severely malnurished and was forced by my paediatrician to gain weight with the threat of being sent to hospital. At the age of 15 I had got myself up to a healthy weight and was finally starting to recover from the ME. For a while I got myself back on track and had a pretty normal teenage life. But as was common with recovering anorexics, I started to binge eat, and although my bmi never went over 21/22 at its highest, my ED told me I was obese and I became unhappy with how I looked. A couple of bad relationships only deepened this message in my mind. My perfectionist tendencies and constant need to achieve high were making school overwelming… I fell back to my old coping mechanism of restricting and the anorexia took over again.

By October last year I was back to being underweight again, though I had managed to hide my relapse pretty well. People were actually telling me that I looked good, which reaffirmed all the things ED told me. But things just got worse and by January I had to be taken out of school permanently as I had become so frail and ill.

For about a month I actively fought recovery. I continued to lose weight despite my parents and doctors best efforts, and eventually went IP in March for about a week. It was the wakeup call I needed. Since then I have had my ups and downs, and despite my relapse over summer, am now dedicated to ridding myself of this illness forever.

I have missed out on many great things I had planned for this year and had to pass up so many opportunities, its made me realise how much anorexia steals from your life. This is not the life I had planned for myself when I was younger, and is not the life I plan on living in the future. I am determined to overcome this illness and gain back everything its taken away from me, so I am able to fully enjoy everything this beautiful world has to offer!

When I started this blog I made the decision not to reveal too much about myself, tell any secrets or write about anything too personal. But I feel so priviledged to have got to know so many of you wonderful bloggers, that it just felt right for me to share this with you. You mean the world to me.

xo Hannah